The Secret He Keeps
by Pzanna
Summary: This will be awesome, by the time I'm done. I haven't written in a long time, and This is a more grown up story anyway. NOT slash, or even romantic, I don't think. even though I said Severus and Sirius are in it. Maybe a little severitus. we'll see.
1. Things fall apart

_I am a secret_

_That is my very nature._

Things fall apart, they sometimes get put back together, sometimes not.

There was a light breeze blowing smoke and ash past the pale blue sky. The small crowd of villagers had gathered about the house to try to get a better glimpse. Not many people had known the Potters who lived there. Their home had been impossible to find, except for themselves, and their secret keeper Peter Pettigrew. Now, as the morning sun revealed the results of the nights terror, people wondered why.

Several people in the crowd were startled and moved to the side, as a handsome young man with wild dark brown hair, pushed through, and stopped suddenly at the sight of the wreckage. He slowly sunk to his knees, and stared at the smoldering remains. His shoulders began to gently shake, and his dark hair covered his face. If you had been standing nearby, you would've sworn you heard him whisper, "James forgive me." Another young man, with thin straight brown hair, looking slightly ill, followed him, and put his hand on his shoulder. "Sirius, it's not-" he began in a soft voice.

"yes, yes it is." He said, and stood suddenly, as he walked towards the wreck of a house.

He climbed over a pile of smoldering roof tiles, and to what looked like a splintered basinet, with a charred pink ribbon around it. He knelt, on the unstable stage of the broken house, and it looked like he reached into the basinet and tucked something into his cloak. But there was nothing there. He slowly rocked back and forth, and someone thought they heard him saying "shh, shh it's all right pad foots here".

Then, He stood up quickly, and cautiously stepped over the shaky ground, to the baby's crib, the white painted bars were splintered, and a few coils popped out of the mattress. But, there was a baby boy, fast asleep with a lock of Jet-black hair across his face, and a deep cut, in the shape of a lightning bolt, on his forehead. Sirius bent over, and whispered almost inaudibly "I wish I could've done more to save them." He brushed the lock of hair to the side of the sleeping baby's face. And then turned away. Sirius Black walked away from the Potter's home, and though Remus Lupin tried to keep him, He apparated away.

He was running.

As he was squeezed through the air, he held tightly to the small bundle he's scooped up at the Potter's house. He emerged inside a very dingy house. He swore loudly as a rat skittered down the rotted oriental rug in the narrow hallway. The wall was kicked violently, and a hole appeared in it. With a very unsteady gate, he made his way to the back of the house, where he opened up a trunk, pulled out a brown satchel and began stuffing clothes, and various objects into it. Then, He pulled out his wand, pointed into the bag, and shrunk the things. The bulging back quivered, and the sides grew slack again.

Sirius Black disappeared, and for the next 6 hours his whereabouts were unknown.

He was arrested later that day, and sent to Azkaban for killing Peter Pettigrew, and a street load of muggles, and for betraying James and Lilly Potter to Lord Voldemort.

The small baby boy in the crib was taken away by Hagrid on Sirius' flying motor bike. He was deposited on his Aunt and Uncle's door step. He was poked and prodded, and neglected, and down-trodden, for the next 10 years. Sirius Black rotted away in Azkaban, with dementors bringing him breakfast. Remus Lupin went into hiding, and Dumbledore ran his beloved school. Things that were secret, remained that way. A whole generation of young wizards and witches passed through Hogwarts.

In a locked box, in a cozy office, filled with smoking and spinning metal contraptions, a scroll contained a list of special children born in a certain year. The name, was written on the scroll, however it just looked like a blank line in between the muggle born Jeremiah Polkiss and the pureblood Alicia Prewett. This line, however signified a student, a student whose name, had only been known by 4 people. Two of which were dead, and one who had long forgotten. Never the less, a letter must be sent to that name, and would be sent, using a very complicated reveal-locator spell.

_Tell me what you thought of this, I just wanted to get it started. I haven't written in a long time, but I have great plans for this story. Reviews, I love them._

_-Dee, or.. Pzanna_


	2. Sun sets

This is Sirius's POV, and a little about Remus. I'll probably put some more up tomorrow. I hope that you like it so far. If you read it, and you want to suggest something, please do. I'm desperate for feedback, and I really want to make this story the best that it can be.

_I am a terrible friend._

_I should have taken the burdens that were mine, instead of trying to be sneaky. _

_Try to out sneak a slytherin, and you will learn your lesson, the hard way. _

_It was my burden to keep James and Lilly safe, and I passed it off to Peter, who was a rat, and a worm._

_I should've known HE would betray them. _

_If only I had known, I would've skinned him alive, and never would've suggested he be the secret keeper. _

_Sometimes, it's better to do the obvious thing. _

_James, I'm so sorry. _

_I wish I had been there with you. _

_I know we always promised we go out together, fighting the dark lord to the death. _

_You did it alone, without me by your side._

_And now, now I'll never see your face again. _

_Never see that look of mischief light up in your eyes. _

_I'll never hear that fiendish laughter again. _

_Or the way you talk when you have a great idea. _

_Or that goofy way that you dance around when something is funny. _

_I'll never see you looking back at me with those eyes. _

_Right now, all I can see is you staring accusingly at me._

_I would've done anything to keep you alive. _

_And Lilly. I have betrayed you worse than Judas Iscariot. _

_I am more of a fiend than him. I am lowest of the low. _

_You trusted me, with your most precious secret. _

_Why couldn't I let you trust me with your life? _

_Such a simple secret. _

_I vow to both of you, that I will take the most important secret, the one that you died to keep. _

_I will keep her safe, and make sure that she never knows pain, or the taste of death. _

For 24 hours Sirius Black's location was unknown.

Remus Lupin tried to follow his friend. He knew that Sirius never would've betrayed Lilly and James, and he also knew that James was Sirius' best friend. He was worried Sirius would do something stupid, like he usually did, when anything concerning James's safety was involved. This was a terrible blow. Remus went back to the house where his friends had lived, and died, and he, like Sirius sunk to the ground. He did not move for hours. He sat, and wept, shoulders shaking. Some folks put a comforting hand on his shoulder. There wasn't much to say. James and Lilly were bright, beautiful people. They had lived brilliant, but short lives. Remus, left with his head hung low, and a slow, mournful walk.

He'd watched as medi-witches arrived, and aurors came and went. He'd seen them pull little Harry out of the mess, but he hadn't been able to even look at him. He felt, maybe not as strongly as Sirius, that he was responsible for their deaths. If he had just done something differently they would still be here. But Remus was accustomed to those feelings, and knew a little bit how to deal with them.. He'd often wondered, if he'd only been more careful as a child, whether or not he'd have been bitten. His life would've been totally different.

Remus walked away as the sunlight began to die. The sky was painted red, orange and purple, and the orange blob of the sun slowly disappeared behind the bare inky black tree branches. He had cried all he could cry, and run over his mind a thousand different scenarios. Voldemort had been there, and he had killed them himself. Dumbledore had been there, albeit briefly. He had stopped beside Remus, stooped down beside him, and laid an old wrinkled hand on his arm. Remus, had not been able to look up into his piercing eyes.

"Remus" He said in his whispery way, "you know this is not your fault."

Remus had not said anything so Dumbledore had continued.

"Remus, there are things at play here, that it is possible no one has considered. Please come and meet me tomorrow? Around noon-time."

"Where" Remus' voice cracked, and He had to hold down a sob. "Where are you taking Harry?"

"Harry is going to live with his muggle relatives." Dumbledore said, quietly, quickly.

"what! You can't send him there, they hated Lilly, they'll hate him. I can take him, or Sirius, he's his godfather after all."

"Sirius, will be facing a lot of difficulties, relatively soon, I don't think it would be wise to entrust him with Harry as well."

"what-" Remus was getting upset.

"meet me tomorrow, I'm sure you have questions. I'm very sorry Remus, nothing can make them come back, and I would do almost anything to have them return."

"I would too." Remus replied weakly.

He'd had enough, and He walked away, into the sunset to look for his remaining friends, Sirius, and Peter.

I hope you like it, please review. It should become more interesting, and less sad, in the next chapter.

Thanks!

-Dee


	3. Peach Fuzz

Remus Lupin paced uneasily outside the old headmasters office at hog warts.  
The two gargoyles stared at him menacingly out of their stone eyes.  
He was half torn apart by grief, enraged with what Sirius had been accused of,  
what he was being accused of, and felt betrayed by life.  
I'm not sure anyone could really understand exactly how Remus felt.

"You may come in Remus." He heard the soft chiming voice of Dumbledore.

The gargoyles rolled out of the way and Remus stumbled up the spiral stairs.

Remus sat down in the leather back chair, and faced Dumbledore. His tired grey eyes looked into Dumbledore's blue ones, there was no twinkling on either side.

"What do you have to tell me?" Remus asked leaning forward in his chair, his light brown hair obscuring his eyes.

"Remus, Do you have any information about James ad Lilly? Any clue at all?"

"Well, I know that they had to have a secret keeper, to hide themselves and Harry, I know Voldemort was after them, but I hadn't been able to  
speak to them, or see them for about 3 months."

"I see." Dumbledore said gravely.  
"You know that they are putting Sirius in prison?"  
"yes"  
"Do you know why?"  
Remus sighed, and ran his hand through his hair.  
"I don't want to believe the stories they are saying about him. I've known him almost my whole life, and i don't think he's capable of that.  
you can say what you like about blind affection, but isn't loyalty a trait of a Gryffindor? I think an innocent man is going to Azkaban."

Dumbledore nodded briskly.  
"Good, then we are in agreement."  
Remus looked at Dumbledore, startled.  
"Remus, I am no fool. There is more than just a murder here. I believe that Sirius was the potters secret keeper, but not for their location."  
"What secret was he keeping?" Remus asked leaning forward in his chair.  
"Sirius told me before his 'trial' and now I am going to tell you, because I believe if circumstances hadn't been so dire, that James and Lilly  
would have liked you to be in on the secret, and I believe that you would do anything you could for them, which makes you the perfect candidate for this responsibility."  
"I'm lost." Remus said.  
"Have you seen Lilly much over the past 6 months?" Dumbledore inquired, searching Remus' eyes for the truth.  
"no. now that i think of it, she always seemed to be ill, or visiting her sister, I only saw James and Harry."  
"I see, they did the thing correctly, thats for sure." Dumbledore smiled at no one in particular.  
"Sir? I don't understand." Remus had absolutely no idea, and was a bit annoyed, but also thought maybe the old man was a little bit off his rocker, or maybe suffering from some weird side effect of grief.  
Dumbledore merely smiled, and stood up, patted Remus' hand, and said "You will my boy, go home, go home, and don't let anyone bother you. I will try my best to keep Sirius out of Azkaban, but i can't say I'll be successful. I dare say he's got some tricks up his sleeve that I'm not supposed to know about hmm?"  
"I uh-"  
"Don't bother" Dumbledore interrupted Remus' stuttering. "Just go home, things will start to make sense."

If Remus had been confused oh his way to see Dumbledore, he was equally confused on his way out.

What on earth is he talking about? He must know more than anyone thinks, although James and Lilly trusted him more than anyone else, including Sirius,  
and me. I wish I could've done more for them. What is that man thinking?

When he reached his house, he knew something was wrong. There was something in the air. Remus had an excellent sense of smell, and this definitely didn't smell like something that belonged at his house.  
He moved cautiously towards the door, and scanned the area, the ground, trees, rocks, even a black crow flying by. Especially the crow.  
Animals can sometimes be deceivingly innocent.

The door creaked open, and Remus whipped his wand out and held it in front of him, just in case.  
He sensed a slight movement in the bush next to his door, and peered over, wand at the ready.  
"aaah-aah!" came a little coo.

What on earth!

Remus heard but he couldn't see anything.  
He leaned over the little bush, and peered down to see what had made that sound. Perhaps it was an injured pigeon. He couldn't see, anything that would've made that noise, but he decided to feel around for it with his hand. Feeling sure he would probably regret using his hand, and waiting to be bitten, or come into contact with something sharp, he was startled when he felt something soft and fluffy.  
He bent down even further into the bushes, and found the soft fluffy object with both hands. He couldn't see anything, but he knew from his years of spending time with James that just because you can't SEE something doesn't mean it's there.  
He felt more than a blanket, soon there was soft skin, and silky hair and he heard another gurgling coo. "oooh-aaah!"  
Slowly a light pink blanket appeared, and wrapped inside was a tiny little baby, with big blue eyes, and peach fuzz on her little head.

"oh my gosh." Remus whispered.

Ok, so I hope you aren't disappointed. I swear, I'm going to be writing more because it's Christmas time, and I don't have school.

-Dee/Pzanna


	4. The Hand Off

The baby was a tiny copy of Lilly Evans. Remus was sure of it. Everything Dumbledore had told him rushed through his head.  
Lilly had been pregnant, that was why Remus hadn't seen her. She'd been 'sick'.  
How had they managed to have another baby so soon after Harry?  
Wasn't little Harry only a year old now?  
This baby must be very young. How do I feed it?  
How do I buy diapers inconspicuously? This must be the secret Sirius was hiding.  
Dumbledore expects me to care for her.  
What about my transformations?

All these thoughts were swirling through his head, and he fell asleep on his raggedy sofa, stroking the little girls head.  
She was completely at ease in his arms, resting her little head against his chest.

He awoke to a small cry of hunger.  
"crap. i don't have any baby food!" He was talking to himself now. great. He was going to be a great guardian.  
the baby was too young to focus on his face, or tell him anything, she was completely helpless.

"shh, shh." He whispered, rocking her against his shoulder.  
He wandered into the kitchen, and found a little tin of baby formula with a note in Sirius' handwriting.  
"Remus, this is the formula for the baby, mix two scoops with four ounces of water, there's a bottle in the sink, and diapers in the bathroom, and her little  
baby nighties are in your sock drawer. take good care of her. Her name is afldskjfalsjkj."  
That was puzzling. For some reason, Remus couldn't make out what her name said. No matter how he tilted the paper, or squinted his eyes. But the baby was  
crying, so he put down the note, and mixed her up some formula. She eagerly sucked at the bottle, and Remus remembered all his baby care lessons that James had given him about Harry, before Voldemort came after them, and before they went into hiding. Back when the world seemed to be okay.

"Hmm, you're Lilly's little girl. and you're cute as a button, what should I call you?" The baby just gave him a blank look, having finished her bottle. Then she let out a small belch.  
Remus laughed, and realized how little he'd smiled over the past few days.

He cast his mind back into his memory, trying to think of any time Lilly and James may have mentioned a daughter, or what they would name a baby girl. There had only ever been Harry. No one had expected them to have another child so soon. Remus' memory caught on a scene of Lilly when she was 14, they were at school, and Hagrid had shown them Fluffy. Lilly was singing to the monstrous dog, a song about melodies, and memories.

_Take the sunlight with you_

_Leave the twilight behind_

_Look into my eyes and never wonder_

_Why you're a melody of mine._

He remembered her sitting by him, when he'd been to the hospital wing after a particularly disastrous transformation, involving a greasy snake, and he'd damaged himself quite efficiently. She was huming the same tune.

And the last memory, was of having tea at James' house, with Lilly and Harry, and Sirius, and Peter. The last time they'd been a whole family together. James looked rather exhausted. Harry was only a few weeks old. Sirius had been staying with Peter and his mum, and was in mid auror training. He had a black eye, but was his usual exuberant self. Peter looked a little under the weather, his hair had been falling out then, and they'd been wondering why, but decided it was just stress. Remus looked much the same. Same tired face, same scars, brown hair, and grey eyes.

Lilly was in the hallway with Harry, rocking him to sleep and singing.

_Take the sunlight with you_

_Leave the twilight behind_

_Look into my eyes and never wonder_

_Why you're a melody of mine._

Remus looked down at the small child in his arms. She was resting her soft little cheek against his rough green sweater. "Melody." He breathed.

She looked up at him with her big hazel/blue eyes blindly. And she smiled a little toothless baby smile.

"So, Melody it is hey?" Remus asked gently.

In response little Melody closed her eyes, and snuggled her little peach fuzz head into Remus' shoulder.  
He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair in desperation.  
The days with little Melody seemed to fly by. Sirius had been a good godfather to the end, and left instructions and reminders about Melody. He'd tried to tell Remus her name, a million times, and all he could make out was a smudge of letters aldjaflsdjfls.

They fell into a routine, and Remus only had to venture out once or twice to buy diapers, and formula. He'd bundle her up and take her for a stroller walk every morning, and every afternoon, he'd fall asleep with little Melody curled up, head on his chest. But this peaceful existence couldn't continue for too long.  
Remus could feel the wolf stirring the closer the full moon came. It became a constant worry, gnawing at his chest. Where would he put her? How would he raise her for the next 11 years before Hogwarts? She was a magical child and would definitely be going to Hogwarts. She'd already shown her magic. Her eyes changed from blue to green, and back again, her hair also fluctuated between black like her father and red like her mother, and once when Remus had fallen asleep with her on the couch, he'd woken up, and found her rolled up in the clean laundry. She just smiled at him. She had learned how to smile since she'd been staying with Uncle Remus, and she had taught him how to smile as well.

But he had no smile on his face 3 weeks after discovering her. He was marching on his way to Hogwarts to see Dumbledore, who hadn't bothered to clue him in, or call to see how things were going.  
Now that the full moon was 2 days away, he was being called upon.  
He walked into Dumbledore's office with a grim look on his face, trying to hide his annoyance with the old man.  
He had little Melody hidden beneath his cloak.  
Dumbledore looked him up and down, and nodded at the lump in his cloak.  
"I see you've found out Sirius' secret?"  
"Yes, what if I hadn't found out? She could've been left out there for these past 3 weeks."  
"Ah, but you did find her, as I suspected you would. I checked on her the day after we last spoke, and found that you had discovered her. I trust Sirius left you enough clues to figure it out anyway. Have you figured out her name?"  
Remus was looking at the old man incredulously, still processing all that he had said.  
"Remus?"  
"oh um, I couldn't read the name Sirius wrote, so I've named her Melody, I don't know if that's good enough or not, but that's what I've been calling her."  
"Melody. Well that's a sturdy little name for our secret here. You needn't hide her so next time you come here. She only reveals herself to those whom she wishes. You are correct in assuming she is a very magical child. I believe Lilly wove enchantments of protection around her before she was even born, and it seems that she was very clever in protecting both of her children."  
"Indeed, no one can see her?"  
"not unless she reveals herself to them."  
"So why did she reveal herself to me?"  
"She was hungry?"  
The two stared at the small baby who sat contentedly in Remus' lap, drooling on a little toy hippogriff.  
"Remus, I was wondering what your plans were for the full moon."  
"I have none sir." Remus said, staring at the peach fuzz that was leaning against him. "I was only close with Peter, James, and Sirius. And, they are all gone. I don't have many friends and none that I would entrust with this."  
"I see. Remus we shall have to make some kind of arrangement. I will watch over the child this once, but I can't be held responsible for any danger she may come into contact with if she is to remain in my care in the future. I am, hardly the safest person for her to stay with."  
"Yes, sir. I will find someone to watch her for next month. I'll just have to become a bit more sociable I suppose."  
"Remus, perhaps you should go away for a bit. just disappear, lay low. Then in a few years, if you return with a child, no one will think it strange."  
"You think I should hide away, like on a witness protection program?"  
"hahaha!" Dumbledore laughed "Yes Remus I suppose that would be the idea. Do you have anywhere in particular you'd like to go?"  
"Not really, just somewhere i could go where I would know someone who I'd trust with Melody for 2 or 3 days a month."  
"I see, you never dreamed of traveling the world?" Dumbledore said staring off into the distance, his eyes glazed over with old dreams.  
"No. I dreamed of being normal."  
"Well, Remus, as that's never going to happen, perhaps you should go visit some interesting places. How about Brazil?"  
Remus' thin brown eyebrow rose about an inch. "Brazil? I don't speak Brazil; I don't know anything about Brazil!"  
"Well, pick a place dear boy, go west young man! See the world!" Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling madly, and he was clearly dismissing Remus.  
Remus got up and straightened his cloak.  
"I will take the child for the next 4 days Remus, then you come back and get her, and leave on your trip."  
"Very well Headmaster" Remus said, and though he was loathe to do it, he gently placed Melody into the old man's waiting arms.  
"Aah, the little potter girl. What will you become my dear?" Dumbledore asked the sleeping baby.  
Remus left Dumbledore's office full of warring thoughts about how safe it was to leave his charge with an old man who was clearly brilliantly mad.  
He ran into someone he brilliantly despised not 2 steps from Dumbledore's office.  
"Remus Lupin." The stale voice of Severus Snape jolted Remus back to reality.  
His heart sank.  
"Snape." He said curtly.  
"What brings you here? Reminiscing old school days?"  
"Snape, I don't want to discuss this with you. Good day."  
Remus walked away swiftly, leaving the oily haired slytherin glaring at his retreating figure.  
He marched briskly down the stairs, and took off at a run, as soon as he cleared the doors.  
He was running out of time, the wolf in him would soon take over, and he was filled with the same inexplicable terror that he still experienced with every transformation.

Dumbledore smiled benevolently at the little baby propped up in a basket behind his desk. She was still asleep, but he was talking to her anyway.  
"Melody, what an excellent name. I hope you're pleased with Remus as your guardian. I couldn't think of anyone more suitable."  
"Talking to yourself eh?" Phineas Nigellus the old head master was talking to Dumbledore again.  
"aah, Phineas. I don't know what to do next, or where this is leading."  
"My grandson is in Azkaban? And they won't release him."  
"Yes, yes Phineas and more's the pity. Someday we'll see true justice in that case."  
"Hopefully before Sirius goes mad eh?"  
"We can only hope."  
Just then little Jane decided to wake up. She opened her eyes, and let out a little baby sight. "aahah."  
"Oh! My little poppy seed, you're awake!" Dumbledore scooped her up, and sat her on his lap in his best grandfatherly fashion.  
Jane looked around and saw she didn't recognize him. She looked around the room for Remus, or mommy and daddy, but couldn't find any of them.  
"Nnnnaaaaaaa!" She let out a thin wail, and Dumbledore quickly cast a spell for silence.  
"There, there, its okay, you're safe with me." Dumbledore said, rubbing her back with his old wrinkly hands.  
Phineas Nigellus chuckled and said "I don't blame you little one, I wouldn't feel safe either."


End file.
